Does a Law on Human Attraction Exist?
- Do Opposites Attract in Relationships?

We  hear the saying that “Opposites Attract." It is spoken about as if it is a defined Law of Nature. Does this Law exist and if so what effect does it have on starting relationships? People liken it to the Law of Electromagnetism. Is there a Law of Attraction between two people? Are there a clear set of laws and rules that initiate two people to fall for each other and start a relationship? Is it that opposites attract? What is it that starts us in relationships anyway?

Is Attraction a matter of chemistry? Is this the basis for us starting relationships?

We have our Scientists and the Laws of Chemistry. Evidence shows the attraction between animals of the opposite sex is brought about by a chemical called pheromones. The effect of pheromones in the behavior of insects is the most studied to date. It has been observed, in some experiments, that pheromones are responsible for communication among same species. Apparently, the horrible odor released by skunks to ward off enemies is said to be a kind of pheromone. Some species of apes rub pheromone-containing urine on the feet of potential mates to attract them. Some scientists believe that animals, usually the females, such as insects and mammals send out these chemical signals to tell the male of their species that their genes are different from theirs. The perfume industry has capitalized on pheromones as a means to increase one’s sexual attractiveness to the opposite sex. Animals such as the whale and the musk deer were hunted down for these chemicals.

Lately, scientists are looking into the existence of human pheromones and its role in mate selection and relationships. There are many conflicting views in the realm of biology, chemistry, genetics, and psychology. Most scientists would assert that these do not exist, or if they do, do not play a role in sexual attraction between a man and a woman. But  some new researchers are slowly making other scientists rethink their stand. Their experiment involved women sniffing the cotton shirts of different men during their ovulation period. It was found out that women prefer the smell of men’s shirts that were genetically different, but also shared similarities with the women’s genes. This, like in the case of insects and other mammals, was to ensure better and healthier characteristics for their future children. But researchers also cautioned that preference for a male odor is affected by the women’s ovulation period, the food that men eat, perfumes and other scented body products, and the use of contraceptive pills.

Does personality figure in sexual attraction?

Yes, of couse, but so does your perception of a potential mate’s personality. According to research on interpersonal attraction and personality, a person’s self esteem and at least the person’s perception of their their partner were found to be strong determinants of attraction in hypothetical situations. What does this tell us? That we prefer a certain personality type. The trouble is, it is our "perception" of our potential partner that attracts us to them, whether the person of our affection truly has that kind of personality or not. This can only be verified through close interaction over time. This could probably account for a statement commonly heard from men and women on a failed relationship: “I thought they were this kind of person.”

So how does attraction figure in relationships?

You have probably heard that attraction is a prelude, or a factor towards starting relationships. Most probably, at least in the beginning; but attraction alone cannot make relationships work. It is that attraction that makes you notice a person from the opposite sex, but once you get to know the person more, attraction is just one consideration. Shared values, dreams, and passions become more significant in long-term relationships.

So should I stop trying to become attractive?

More than trying to become physically attractive we need to have a balance. We need to consider all aspects of our health: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. Physical attraction is certainly still a factor. Where your emotions are concerned, just ask this to yourself: would you want to spend time with a person who feels insecure about him/herself? Possibly and probably not! There is great wisdom in knowing yourself: who you are, your beliefs, values and dreams. To know who we are is of paramount importance and to not pretend to be someone you are not. Fooling another person by making them think that you share the same values and beliefs is only going to cause you both disappointments and grief later. When you are healthy and balanced in all aspects, attractiveness becomes a consequence and not an end. As we mentioned earlier, a persons sense of self esteem and security matters, perhaps even beyond attraction. But remember: do these things for yourself and not for other people. Only then can you truly harness your attractiveness as a person.